You want to be a man, but you aren't willing to do what it takes to become one.

Mad at the World

Doesn't it seem a little childish to get mad when the world doesn't turn out the way you think it should? I don't know..

50% rule

Half of your life will be better than average, the other half will be worse than average.

Oblivion

If you can accept that you will lose everything there is nothing left to fear.

Can't get no satisfaction

So I was had a two-hour break between classes today. Normally I would get food, but I had no money so I didn't. I was considering what I wanted to do, and found that I had no immediate desires; no direction I needed or wanted to go in.

"Wow," I thought to myself. "This is like a little slice of enlightenment."

After a while though, I started getting bored. I was at peace, but without the tension of everyday life I felt less alive.

"Jesus," I thought. "I've been struggling for this? My life would be so boring."

For a little while I was facing a crisis; if peace was not the ultimate goal, what was? What would lead me to satisfaction?

And so came this question, which I feel is very important:

Are you satisfied with your life right now?

I am not. I would not be happy living the rest of my days in the same manner as I am right now. I want to wake up every day excited to be alive, with a purpose in my mind. This starts now. I will work until I reach the day where every day is incredible. And then I will be satisfied.

ARGH

So I finally meet a girl I really like and I think she likes me, and then I ask her out and it turns out she's a lesbian.

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Competition and Dreams

He says "Bill, I believe this is killing me,"
as a smile ran away from his face;
"Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
if I could get out of this place."
Billy Joel, The Piano Man

I was going to post this yesterday but I fell asleep at 6 and didn't wake up until today.

When I think about my dreams of being famous, I am often overcome with a real sense of urgency and dread; for every second I spend not cultivating my talent, there is somebody who is. I am falling behind in the race, one step at a time, and by the time I reach the finish line nobody will care.

Recently I considered the idea that I don't need to race if I don't want the prize. Certainly, there are people who want it more, and they are far more likely to get it. So perhaps the correct path is to give up on my dream and pursue something more doable.

Later that day I talked to Wendy, one of my teachers. Her belief was that you should follow your dreams, regardless of how impossible they may seem, because they are your dreams and the mere pursuit of them is rewarding in itself. The pain of failure may be great, but not as bad as the regret of an unpursued dream. And as long as you are pursuing your dream, in a sense you are living it.

So forget about the competition, and follow your dream no matter how slow the progress is. Keep it alive, and keep moving towards it, even if its only an inch at a time.

Symbiosis

So here' s something I just realized about human nature, and like most pieces of wisdom it comes directly from nature.

There are three ways in which species interact. The first is mutualism, where both species benefit (like the clown fist and sea anemone, or bees and flowers. The second is commensialism, where one species benefits and the other is not significantly affected (like birds building their nests in a tree, or remoras hitching a ride on sharks). The third is parasitism, where one species benefits from harm done to the other species (like predators or tapeworms).

The human equivalent of a mutualist is a store owner, or a couple in a loving relationship. Both parties provide benefit to one another.

The human equivalent of a commensialist is a people watcher, or a beggar. The commensialist derives benefit at virtually no cost to the other party.

The human equivalent of a parasite is a thief, a polluter or someone who does not honor their debts. Parasites get benefit by causing harm to others.

The way I've approached life up to this point is attempting to have a symbiotic relationship with everybody, but that's clearly a poor strategy given the varying strategies with which people approach relationships. Ideally we would all be mutualists, but as long as people are willing to trust strangers there will be commensialists and parasites.

The moral? When interacting with someone try to determine which one of the three approaches they are taking. Mutualists are great. Commensialists aren't really worth your time. Parasites can burn in hell.

PS One could argue we are all parasites in regards to animals and developing countries, and I would have to agree. But I'm still going to say fuck you to anybody who tries to feed off of me.

PS 2 Watch Zeitgeist the movie. ASAP.

Reasons

I'm creating this blog because I need to scream. Even if it gets lost immediately among the millions already screaming their opinions into the void, I need to say how I feel because if I don't it's just going to eat me alive.

Right now, I want to scream because the world is so fucking unfair and there's nothing I can do about it. I see the people who are willfully ignorant, the people who are aware but apathetic and I don't want to be either of those people. I feel like we're ants and the people with power are the children with magnifying glasses.

It's always about fucking power. It's true in nature and it's true in society. The strong devour the weak, and all the weak can do is run away.

I don't want to run away. But fighting seems equally impossible.

Those fucking assholes. Or maybe that's just how life is; oppressive for anybody who isn't at the top of the food chain.

I don't want my dream of coexistence to die. But it seems so incompatible with this world. Baby steps, eh?

I guess learning all of this shit is part of growing up.